in search for the pieces of aidilfitri spirit left inside of me

I am not quite excited to celebrate this Hari Raya actually. The super main reason being is that my Ayah is not here, obviously, that sucks much much more than a bad presentation, seriously.

But my sister and I did make 4 types of kuih raya yesterday. Mostly are to be bought to Teluk Intan (mama's hometown) and to appear to be 'not in celebrating mood' in front of them would be unfair, no?

I guess my siblings are growing up. The meaning of aidilfitri would be more than fat duit raya envelopes and finger licking kuah kacang and ketupat. It's being together we look forward too. Oh, now I make myself sounds like a Hallmark Greeting Card!

Partly, I was scared actually. Its a tradition for us (as in the whole mom's side) to go beraya at kampung-kampung yang jalan nya satu lane je, kecik gile, parking pun mencabar skills, lopak-lopak lumpur dan sawah padi yang tricky sebab tanah yang lembik bila-bila je nak menelan tayar kereta.

Contact lenses, check!
Sunglasses, check!
Smart Tag, check!
Fuel tank, (mom) check!
Baju raya, check! check! check!
Cables, camera, chargers, hairdryer, all check!
Toiletries, traveling stuff check!
Novels, magazines, iPod, check! (hey these are my armors)

All set and I'm ready to go.

Selamat Hari Raya everyone. Hope you have a good one. And maaf zahir batin.

ps, I'll be in the Land of Teluk Intan where the river eats land till Friday, so expect nobody's at home. Pls, don't leave confusing comments too!

How I Met Your Mother Season 4

Why do I find Barney in Season 4 (How I Met Your Mother) is very sweet and adorable?

D...wait for it...


Maybe because he's gay?
...and he's been working out well too, I notice that.

Damn lah sape lah yang bagitau I he is...

HIMYM defines and rationalizes what relationship means to me. Simple, funny, straight forward and no confusing turns.
I like that, very much.

i am an official prison break season 4 buff!

I waited with mounting passion for the every episode to complete downloading. Put aside Gossip Girl (that show is losing the X factor for this season ey?) I put this as top download-must!

When the show was rather disappointing (to my liking) at Season 2, and at Season 3, where Sona in Panama was really hot and humid and disgusting. Sona Prison reminds me of

1) Smelly people. Good God they sweat all the time! Once when I was small watching Chef Wan baking cookies and cakes before buka puasa, I wished tv can emit 'smell' as they produce 'sounds'. But I'm glad that was only one stupid wishful thinking.

2) Since they sweat a lot, they must have been very thirsty all the time kan? I tengok pun rasa haus, puasa pulak tu. Macam best dapat minum air sirap kenduri kawin kan? Hehe.

3) Since they have nothing to do in the prison, why don't they just take a nap? Tidur petang je lah, kan best?

4) I told the bf that I think Ballack looks a bit like Dr Isa. Hahahaha.

Season 4 Prison Break is much more stimulating and the whole show did step on the other par.

I miss James Whistler accent and his passionate and deep voice. His face when he speaks, so serene and calm. When he was shot in the head, I screamed and my mother thought I saw intruders in the house. (I was watching at 2 am, what do u think)

However, am I the only person who thinks Michael and Sara, they have no, none, nada chemistry on set?

Ok, come on episode 5 (and incoming), jangan malukan I, first time ni semangat blog pasal favourite show!

last ten days of Ramadhan

Today is the last day Ayah buka puasa together since he'll be leaving for Kerteh tomorrow. So the aunties and the uncles came over for buka puasa and they left after terawih.

While doing the usual ushering them out and salam-salaman outside the house, under cold chilly night, today Qusyairi said to me
'Hari ni KakNi tunggu lah Lailatul Qadr'

I widened my eyes, did not see that coming from him.
'Nanti KakNi boleh nampak cahaya terang kat luar, pokok-pokok tunduk'

Hah, budak ni confirm baru lepas (kena paksa) baca surat khabar dengan mama since I remembered reading about an article on Lailatul Qadr when flipping thru the newspapers this morning.

'Sambil KakNi tengok The Nanny pkol 12 nanti, ha, tengok-tengoklah kat luar tu, kot-kot boleh nampak Lailatul Qadr'
I laughed hard, gelak omg-bangangnya! Nasib baik adik sendiri so cannot verbalize the word 'bangang' tu.

But that laughing moment didn't stay too long when he finally said
'Kalau KakNi nampak Lailatul Qadr, boleh doa dapat kerja cepat...'

Senyap semua.

And I stroke his back for having a slight idea that this 13-year old brother in front of me, is maybe silly, but lovingly sweet.

To Miss Natasha Arifin (with one F),

have the happieeeest Birth Day in the world,

be the cooooolest doctor on earth,

the prettieeeeest medical practitioner in the planet,

the greateeeeeest girl*cough*cough*friend ever.

Among the textbooks that I'm sure you are buried under at this point of time,



Convocation dinner. we girls memang lack of social skill tak habis-habis amik gamba dgn org yang same!

smile darling

I would be lying if I say nothing is bothering me. It's not actually a problem, just that the uncertainties that are so horror to face alone. I must keep cool for the sake of everyone around me. If I wasn't, if I were to break down, then I'll be pulling everyone around me too.

So there! Breaking down is not an option. So smile!

I hate talking about what's bothering me. I don't like to speak what inside, but when I do, I'll come to a person. If I cannot express my thoughts and worries in words, I pull some lady stunt also known as crying. Then I'll be ok. Really ok.

A cynic like me let go things easily.

And when I wake up I would say
'Kenapa nangis semalam macam bangang je!'

*this post emosi sikit, jangan question kenapa banyak complicated feelings, mungkin pms, mungkin tidak*

When I was watching Oprah, she said something about crying your heart out and let go. Duh, itu I pun tau, tak payah tanya Dr Oz.

It has been 3 weeks I haven't get to see my favourite face. The bushy black hair, the chubby fat fingers, the pair of mata sepet yang almost unseen when he smiled. (Oh I make him sounds like a baby did I?). Not so long, week 5 come quick!

But we talk like hours on the phone. Sometimes we (he) watched tv with me on the other line. Ceh mentang-mentang supplementary line. Banyak kali dia gelak tengok drama melayu and I was 'Kenapa? Kenapa?' nak gak tau ape yang kelakar kan...

Oh yesss, I 'm listening to Fall For You (hehe Zu you make me like this one) using phone. Hint hint lah tu ada phone baru. I like this phone sebab ade QuadraPop (Im a huge fan of any games wt color and Tetris-like) yang sangat addictive and cute.

no hari raya for me this year

It's final. The father is not able to take days off for coming Hari Raya. He said they are shutting down the platform and everyone has to be there.

Talking about Hari Raya is a bit awkward in the house. We (as in Mama, adik-adik and I) have to drive on our own to Teluk Intan w/o Ayah. So Mama said no baking kuih raya or whatsoever related to thecelebration should be mentioned until Ayah left for Kerteh. It's sad. I can't remember the last time we had not celebrate it together.

But I acted cool. Until the morning raya when we have the salam-salam raya event going on, and talking to ayah over the phone may invite major water works.

Haha, over lah.

are you passionate enough?

I haven't been writing any post here for a long time. Actually I don't know what to tell here anymore. Not that my life is ever as interesting before.

I always tell my close friends, that I am very turn on by passionate people. It's like when they do their 'thing' nothing in the world can ever come across. The fact is, I envy that. Since I find myself hardly passionate about anything (well, reading blogs don't count!) since everything I do, I get bored easily.

I remember last time when I saw the bf were very into his 'manufacturing thing' that has to do with hand skills that he rarely pays attention to me, my turn on button went all greeeen!

Passion is sexy.

However, there are some people with passion that really turns me off. It's not that them being passionate yang turned me off, but the thing they are passionate about. Faham ke? Tak faham takpelah nak buat macamane kan?

Let see, how these kind of people, if I ever have to talk to them and the first 5 minutes conversation would be one of these below, I will roll my eyes make my faces.

1) Those who are passionate with themselves! Diorang sajelah yang betul, yang pandai, yang smart, yang terbaik. These people hardly make jokes about themselves, and when other people do, they get emotional. Jalan kat rumah diorang lah yang paling cantik, batu rumah diorang lah yang paling best (ha-ha ingat tak sape?), degree dioranglah yang paling susah, life diorang lah yang paling unique. What the hell? Eh yang ni kasi harsh sikit - what the f?
2) Obsess with PDA. I know you have a bf, guess what, I do too ;p Tapi gambar kissing and hugging macam tak sesuai ecp when you recently 'polished' and 'upgraded' your social appearance. I puke a little in my mouth, thanks to you.
3) Those who talk about their political stands very seriously. Those who obsessed about finding other people fault, like whatever they believed in is ultimately correct and those opposing that is definitely jahat and salah. Hello, have you heard the word different? (Refer 1 back). Usually when I look up at certain someone, and when that certain someone talks about politics, confirm I throw them out from my 'I look very highly oF you' BOX.

The thing is dear, going humble and low and funny is always the way to go.

Hari ni entry agak cold, I wonder what bothers me inside?
I myself do not know.

ps/ If you are either the follower of the ruler or the opposition, don't let me know ya. Who knows your are actually in my 'I look very highly of you' BOX. I don't want to throw you out since I have been running out of human in the BOX!

we made it to the UTP website!

To non-believer in complicated love theories, to my friends with confused minds, to my great love, i really like what John Legend has to say...

Girl I'm in love with you,
This ain't the honeymoon,
Past the infatuation phase,
Right in the thick of love,
At times we get sick of love,
It seems like we argue everyday

I know I misbehaved
And you made your mistakes
And we both still got room left to grow
And though love sometimes hurts
I still put you first
And we'll make this thing work
But I think we should take it slow

We're just ordinary people
We don't know which way to go
Cause we're ordinary people
Maybe we should take it slow
This time we'll take it slow

This ain't a movie no
No fairy tale conclusion
It gets more confusing everyday
Sometimes it's heaven sent
Then we head back to hell again
We kiss and we make up on the way

I hang up you call
We rise and we fall
And we feel like just walking away
As our love advances
We take second chances
Though it's not a fantasy
I Still want you to stay

Maybe we'll live and learn
Maybe we'll crash and burn
Maybe you'll stay, maybe you'll leave,
maybe you'll return
Maybe another fight
Maybe we won't survive
But maybe we'll grow
We never know baby you and I

We're just ordinary people
We don't know which way to go

i need (want) a new phone

I've been surviving with an old ancient Nokia for months now. Since my V3 refused to serve me, I kinda get used to this embarrassing moments when friends have super cool ring tone, I settled with the first ever tone invented like 'Kringggggg Kringggg!!'

So I started to have wishes like
'Kalau I ada phone I nak ring tone ni..'
'Eh lagu ni soothing lah jadi alarm..'

On the other note, lagu-lagu Anna Nalick memang sangat sesuai jadi wake up alarm tone. Akan bangun without feeling sakit hati, annoying and rasa cool je.. Hhehehe.
And I secretly have a playlist in the Ipod to be the choice for my upcoming new phone ring tone.

Ayah asked several times whether or not I want a new phone. I don't know. I am ok with this old stuff, but hey, it's kind of humiliating when you all dress up in skinnies and mustard yellow flat, you pulled out year 2003 handphone from the handbag!

Potong kan?

I don't know what kind of phone I want actually (Oh I want iPhone but I don't have the mercy to ask that from my folks). I don't actually favor Sony Ericsson, I think the keypad is too kotak-ish and most of the exterior are not appealing and boring and macam tak ada soul. But I don't know, we see about that ok.

I also look on the net for nice looking phone. Yes, I look for exterior as my first criteria, that should say something about me? I have one retro looking Sony in mind, but again, anything can happen when you have two parents to justify your choice and a pushy annoying seller behind the counter!

Again, we shall see!

she's leaving for Perth

Since the bf is away for the month, I am quite free to utilize all my outing quota for myself. Plus, making myself busy will help me to overcome the fact that he is sorely missed ;(

Paranoid paranoid pun rindu jugak.

Today we went to Sarah Pahmi so-called farewell dinner. But turned out to be it was just 4 of us who actually dined-in together, Zu, Ealya, Fifa and I. While Sarah came late and we only get to spend like 15 minutes with her hugging and kissing cheeks. Btw she's leaving for Perth with the husband who recently or not so recently offered a job there.

I know I'm gonna miss Sarah, but to know she's in good hands in the land down under,this goodbye is not hard at all!

blast from the past

Let me tell you something that is not so new I assume. I am someone who is afraid of my own past. Of how I used to be, how people saw me, and how they compare the old me and the new me.

That is why, when I decided to meet some old souls from MRSM days, I did some serious deep thinking.

And I did, and truly glad! Siti said I haven't changed, still noisy and silly. Ida caught me being blur on counting the change for Ansara registration (for her taking Masters in Statistics, I deserve a frustrated 'geleng kepala' from her). And Atie, well Atie laughed at me, A LOT!
Azie, being new at the art of 'gossip' was fairly good at it.

Last time we met was like 6 years ago?
And thank you, for making the 2 hard-confusing years b e a r a b l e.


I'm back! My silence were due to the fact that both of the computers at home were malfunction from merci-less spyware attack.
Lesson learn, invest on a licensed virus protection. I forked good money for Kaspersky, with hopes that my future days for at least another year with tech-stuff are in good hands.

Well, that hopes do come with holes burnt in my jeans pocket.

Another killer purchase of.. er.. something I cannot share here (intimacy issue ;p )

So now that my computer is well protected and in the very shocking pink of health, I am quite a happy girl. I can do my own tv-series marathon, update iTunes, write blog, travel blogosphere, and poking more small holes through online shopping.

Happy Ramadhan everyone!

It is called woman instinct because

only we woman know!

today i hurt my hand

I am the person who tend to get bruise easily. If others suffer PMS, I suffer bruises on the legs escpecially. They look hurtful but they're actually not. If I knocked on something, I don't usually feel the pain, however the bruise will definately be there.

Sometimes they were there for no reason, meaning I didn't clumsily knocked on anything or anyone, but somehow few spots of blue purplish appeared on the leg, out of nowhere...

2 weeks back at the Impiana Hotel I woke up in the middle of the night, the (wooden) floor was very dry and slippery plus my super dry feet does not help in terms of friction at all, I slipped and my brothers who were in the same room woke up immediately due to the heavy thudding sound I made.

I got a huge 3 inches diameter of bruises on the knee and it looked so rempit-ish.

Today, when I was trying to open the gate, my palm get stucked between the metal, the instant pain rushed from my hand was unbearable due to my inability to sustained high threshold of pain. When I released my hand from the gate, there was instant bruise on edge of my palm that grew into the size of half ping pong ball and I panicked.

I'm not being a baby here, but hey, physical pain is one of my weakness from child, thats why I resort to one-person sport only. Read : swimming no hard falling, no mud, accident-free. Hehee.

But when I came home, I took an ice pack and swollen shamefully grew back to its original size. The silver lining is, mom said I deserved an MC from doing all the house chores tomorrow. Yeay!